I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
