If i come over, it means nothing
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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