the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
