don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am one with the molecules
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
