put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
