dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize