Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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