Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize