it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
