Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
