Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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