so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
