Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
