If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
this beer tastes like vomit already
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
