my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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