she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
its not stalking. its research.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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