Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
