Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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