that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
