you guys were way drunker than both of me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
