omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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