You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
