i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
