On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
