So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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