I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize