What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
