$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
