fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
