Got a toothbrush?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
