Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
