Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
