he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
