I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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