he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
