Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
