I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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