Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
