I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
