He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
