The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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