I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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