I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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