I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
