If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
