She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
