What did we do last night that was yellow?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
