yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
