I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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