Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
