She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
