Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
