I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
