hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
