I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
