She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
