Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
