I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
