i can't believe i had my finger in that
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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