Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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