When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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