and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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