just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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