I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
