Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
