whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
