How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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