Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
