drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
