its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
