I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
